Evening of the Seventh

July 7, 2017

Friday

11:45 pm

It is raining today. I wonder if Tae already arrived at their house. I told him not to walk me to the bus stop but he still insisted. Before my bus came, we were already soaking wet. The rain stopped before we arrived at the bus stop. So unfortunate. Today must be our unlucky day. The stars are not in favor of ours. It should’ve not happened if he lets me finish my lunch. What’s with the rush? I mean, yesterday we already finished 2 sets of Hanji Worksheets and he wanted me to finish another 2…during our break. As usual, I did not finish it so he wanted me to continue it at their house.

It is raining again tonight. I want to go to sleep but my mind is still awake and decided to leave an entry here. I miss jotting down my day and my thoughts since I got busy preparing for college entrance tests. So it’s been a while since I got to revisit the day before it ends. I must say that today is so cold and melancholic. I need to let these feelings out into these papers. I witnessed how the clouds turned dark before us. It was terrifying. Tae and I were walking before the corner street nearby their house. His dad was standing before us with knitted brows. I actually do not know how Tae was holding my hand that time. Because we were running? And he pulled my hand to run quickly? Because it is about to rain? I didn’t really notice that until we were stopped by his dad’s presence. Of course, I had to pull my hand back to ‘Wai’ . I looked at him and he was looking scared too. Why does it have to be that time? I mean, why were we scared just because we were holding hands? 

The rain started to pour when we reached their house. The moment I stepped on their front porch, I knew it was going to be uncomfortable. His dad just ignored us. At least, the house does not have him. I am personally terrified of his dad. Maybe because Tae does too. We went in without a sound as if we shouldn’t disturb the empty house. “Water?” he offered, breaking the tensioned silence between us. Thunders roared outside. The afternoon sun was covered with dark and heavy clouds. “Yes, please,” I said while removing my shoes by the door. I was left alone in their living area, looking at the pictures on the wall. There’s me with him on the bottom side. It was when we’re in grade school and it seems like it was just yesterday, winning a writing contest with him. This is always the first thing that I always notice every time I go to this house. But at that moment it felt like it was an unfamiliar place that I didn’t want to go back to.

It was still raining when we heard the door chimes. Tae and I exchanged stares because we both knew who it was. From sitting beside me, he changed his seat across their dining table, away from me. I was still halfway through my worksheet and I wanted to finish it already or maybe continue it next week. I was packing my things to go home but then I heard someone approaching us. “It is still raining. Wait until it stops.” His dad is getting something from their refrigerator and I was there sitting coldly. I looked at Tae. I want to go home. He looked down. He went back reading the same page he was on since he was beside me. 

“If you just went home straight a while ago, the rain would have not reached you.” Is he talking to me? “We have a tutorial today, Pho . It is friday,” Tae responded. My throat went dry so I grabbed the half empty glass of water in front of us. My hand was trembling so I supported it with my other hand. “You should’ve just cancelled it. You both knew it was going to rain,” I felt that his dad didn’t want my presence there. “And I don’t want my son to hang out with someone like you,” my ears went ringing, I almost let go of the glass. I knew what he was talking about and I was really immune of this, but this is his dad. “ Pho , not in front of him!” then his dad went away. 

The rain went harder that time. I remembered that I was praying that it will subside so I can go home but the skies won’t let me. “I’m sorry,” Tae said softly and a tear drops on his cheeks. It is not his fault! I am so angry…until now. He must not feel bad because of this. 

He cried harder this time. It breaks my heart to see him crying because of me. Tae, it is all because of me. But I won’t be sorry just because of who I am. I really wanted to tell that to him but I just wanted to go home. I wanted to go home with him, away from their house. The rain was causing too much for us. 

The rain stopped and I immediately stood up with my things. He walked me to the bus stop even though I countlessly told him that his dad might see us together again. “I’m just sorry that it happened but I still want to spend time with you,” he said and I hate him for it. 

I got off the bus, and the rain was nowhere. The setting sun was peeking and it’s rays were kissing my cold arms. Why did you come so late? “You’re crying!” I didn’t realize I was until a girl in yukata told me. I noticed that the street nearby our house were filled of tanzanu hanging on the bamboo trees. Oh right! Today’s the Tanabata . 

The path was dry and the paper lanterns were swinging freely with the cold wind. The rain must’ve followed me. Sooner or later, all the colors will sulk. 

And now, the rain is pouring hard as ever. This must be the tears of Orihime and Hikoboshi. Magpies won’t come in a weather like this. 

It’s so hard to love but I love you anyway,

Oh-Aew