These past few days have been busy ones for Billkin. The rising star, one of the best soloists out there with three successful mini albums and one full album, recently released another one full album that went top of the chart and has been a hot topic among the general public for weeks. Not just being a successful singer, Billkin is a really talented actor who started his acting gig even earlier than him as a singer. Billkin really has established his name in the entertainment industry really well. A multitalented, rich, and successful handsome young man. Not to mention he’s also a person with a good attitude. Literally everyone loves him. But, of course, as the classic plot people can think of, a perfect man like him already has a name tattooed on his heart. 


It’s three days before his busy self finally can meet his beloved one. Three days before he can finally see his favorite ******ile. Just three days for him to prepare himself. He missed this beloved person so much to the point he wouldn’t mind to clear his schedules for four days which  three out of four days he used to “prepare” himself before the meeting with his beloved one.


“Kin, where are you?”, Billkin’s manager called.


“Hello P’! I’m at the salon right now. Why?”


“Wow, you really do prepare yourself, huh?”


“Of course I do! I’ve been busy with my jobs. I haven’t seen him in a while! About 6 months!”


“Okay? It isn’t like that wasn’t your own decision to take all these jobs, you know. I’m just a manager who helps you to organize your schedules!”, Billkin’s manager huffs.


“Hahaha. I know that, P’. And I want to thank you for that because you helped me to be where I am today”


“Partially yes I did help you, but actually everything is because of yourself, Kin. Anyway, uh, Kin, you know that I will always be proud of you and support you, right?”


“Of course, I know! Thanks a lot, P’”


“You’re very welcome, my beloved artist. Wow feels like I’m getting a raise after praising you”


“Hahaha. We’ll see later”, Billkin chuckles.


“Kin, please don’t forget to eat or Imma ******ack your ass for skipping meals!”. There’s nothing new about Kin making his manager worry about him skipping meals.


“Don’t worry, P’. I will. It’s just 2 pm and you’re nagging me to eat. You’re late and dinner is still a few hours away!”


Billkin’s manager sighs, “I know you’ll skip meals every time your emotion is too unstable. Whether you’re excited, sad, mad, or anxious, you always skip meals!”


Billkin genuinely laughs. He ******iles hearing what his manager just said, “To be honest? Yes I didn’t have lunch because I was too lazy to eat, so I just went to the salon right away. But, I had an apple and milk for breakfast though”.


“I really can’t do much with that side of you, huh. Just please eat something good and proper later, Kin. I’m not begging you as your manager here. I’m concerned for you as your friend here”, Billkin’s manager feels helpless facing Billkin’s stubbornness to eat in a situation like this.


“Chill. I will have a family dinner later”.


“Ah. Good for you then”.


“Yeah. Anyway, P’, I’m changing my hair color to red right now”.


“You what?!”, Billkin’s manager almost jumped out of the chair she has been sitting on. 


“Calm down, Ma’am! It isn’t like I have an acting project in a few days. Plus I just had a comeback. My fans would love me regardless of what hair color I have”, Billkin shrugs.


“Can you communicate with me beforehand later if you want to do something like this, I don’t even know what to call this anymore, sensational? God! I don’t know. Yes. Whatever. Do whatever you want while you’re taking a break”, Billkin’s manager sighs before continuing, “I’ll give you a pass!”.


“I know you love me too much to be mad at me!”, a crispy fun laughs out of Billkin’s mouth. “I’ll work hard for us, P’!”, Billkin said excitedly. “P’, what should I buy for PP later?”, Billkin has many options in mind, but he truly can’t decide things when: 1) again, he’s in an extreme emotion; 2) the person in the topic is PP Krit Amnuaydechkorn.


“Come on, Kin. It isn’t like I was the one who knew him for 10 years. But, a flower would do. And buy something else whatever you have in mind. It isn’t like you’ll give him a ring, right?!”


“Hahaha. Not funny! How dare you! But, yeah, I won’t give him a ring. I’ll buy him a bangle, maybe, since he asked me one long time ago”.


“Yeah yeah. You know what’s best. Kin, I gotta go! I have a meeting for your upcoming acting project! Although I said do whatever you want in the meantime, but please don’t do something extremely dumb in your break time, okay?”.


“Duh, what can I do with just 4 days anyway”, Billkin rolls his eyes.


“Okay. I trust you. I’m one call away if you need me, okay?”


“I know, P’. Now, hush! Secure my bag and go get the best deal!”


“You got me, Sir! Chill. I’m hanging up. Bye, Kin! Tell me everything later, okay?!”


“I will, P’! Bye!”, Billkin hung up the telephone. The red hair he expects is halfway done. Red hair was something PP had a few years ago. PP said that by coloring his hair red, it would give him the energy that felt like he could conquer the world. Something that might sound silly for some people, but not for Billkin. Billkin always thinks PP is someone philosophical, so whatever his choice is, Billkin knows it’s something good or worth fighting for. Besides, one time PP wished he could see Billkin in red hair too. For this one time, Billkin finally has the guts to grant that particular wish from PP, his beloved one.


 ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈




Just two more days before he can finally see PP. He missed him a lot. For today’s schedule, Billkin decides he will go shopping for his outfit and PP’s gift. Billkin might not fancy much about fashion. He is a man with a simple style anyway. Not that he doesn’t know how to do fashionable looks, it’s just that he wants something the best for later when he meets PP. So he calls his and PP’s mutual friends.


“Hello, P’! Where are you?”


“Hey, Kin! I’m with my girl queuing for lunch at one of those famous restaurants that have been the talk of the town. What’s up, bud?”


“Ah. Am I bothering you?”, Billkin bites his lips nervously. He feels bad because it feels like he’s intruding on his friends’ date.


“Come on, man. Remember that I already think of you like my brother, right? What’s up, Kin?”.


Billkin hesitates at first. But he decides to just stick to the plan, “Uh, so, you know, I will meet PP later, right?”. Billkin’s legs can’t stop moving. It’s been so long too for him not meeting his mutual friends with PP so he’s kinda nervous he’ll get rejected.


A short moment of silence happens. It almost feels like the person on the other side is taken aback hearing what Billkin just said. Then finally Jaylerr, the mutual friend, says, “Oh. Oh! Yeah. Yeah of course I know! Okay, so, what’s with that?”.


“Can we meet, P’? I guess I need friends to pick me up a decent outfit for that day”.


“Ah. I see. Okay, okay. Let’s meet up with us later! At 2 pm, perhaps? Iconsiam?”.


“Okay, P’! Thank you so much!”, Billkin ******iles. He’s happy he can meet his friends again since his busy schedules are really holding him back to meet more of his closest ones. 


“Don’t mention it. See ya, Kin!”.


“See you, P’!”.


(02:25 pm)


Billkin is already at the mall. He is typing a text to tell his friends he’ll head to the shop where they promised to meet earlier on the chat. But, then someone calls him from behind and he realizes that it’s Jaylerr with Thanaerng. 


“What a coincidence! We both arrived at the same time!”, Thanaerng excitedly tells Billkin.


“Yeah. I was stuck in traffic earlier though, so it took a longer time than usual from my house”


“Ah. No wonder. Okay then, let’s head to the shop right away!”


Three of them heading to the shop and go shopping for themselves. Actually, Billkin’s style isn’t bad and he definitely knows what to wear. It’s just that he needs friends at the moment after he let himself busy these few months. He enjoys Jaylerr and Thanaerng’s company  specially both of them are the mutual friends he has with PP.


“This will look good on you, Kin! Will you take it?”, Jaylerr comes to the section Billkin has been looking at.


“I don’t know. Maybe? I’m having a crisis, should I just buy the dark one or this?”


“Better pick this. Wear something bright because people said that it will help to brighten up your day”, Jaylerr casually says.


“P’! Well yeah, yeah, I agree. I’ll take this one then. He likes blue too”, Billkin ******iles.


“Ah, always bout him, huh. This truly looks good on you”.


“Okay. Okay. Are you done though? Or should I just pay mine first?”


“You go ahead. I’m still waiting for Thanaerng. We’ll follow you in a bit”.


Billkin goes to the cashier and pays everything. He’s happy, just two days away to meet PP and he has been preparing things before he meets him. Not long after he paid everything, Jaylerr and Thanaerng pay for the things they pick. After that, the three of them discuss where to go next. Since Billkin has no schedule at the moment and the couple already had a date, so they decide to just go to a café to make up for the times they hadn’t seen each other.


The café they’re sitting in right now is not too crowded. It’s 6 pm and it seems like most people choose to eat a proper dinner at the restaurants rather than just go for snacks and coffees at a café. Three of them ordered their drinks and one big french fries to accompany it.


“Now, Billkin, how are you?”, Jaylerr starts the conversation.


“Me? Well. So far so good, I guess?”, Billkin ******iles and shrugs. He knows his answer won’t satisfy his friends, but he can’t help not to just say so.


“You guess?! See, babe! I told you, this man always loves to act tough!”, Thanaerng replies.


“Hush. Let him be. Billkin, you know that we are your friends too, right? You and I have been friends since 7 years ago! I might not know you longer than PP, but I still know you enough, Kin. So, how are you?”, Jaylerr asks the same thing again. 


Billkin hates to let his guard down. He loves to act tough and alright. But, since this friend of his is persistent, he knows he won’t go out of that café without telling him and Thanaerng the truth.


“Not okay of course. But, what about it though? At least I will meet PP in two days! I’ve been busy these past months and I just want to see him with a good vibe”, Billkin says and goes silent for a moment before he continues, “I love him, P’. So much”, Billkin looks down at his hands. He’s nervous. He can see his hands sweating.


“I know, Kin. We know. But you should know too that we love you and will always be here for you, right?”


“Thank you, P’. I know that already”


“So please, be happy always. Okay?”


“I know, P’. I’ll try”, Billkin shows his genuine ******ile. He knows these two friends of his won’t let him feel alone or left out. They’ll be there for him and he’ll be fine.


“Oh God, not the mood down please. Anyways, Kin, tell us about whatever projects you had and will have. Update us! You barely talk to us in the group chat!”, Thanaerng takes the chair closer to Billkin. Billkin ******iles seeing how excited his friend is to get his updates. Then he tells them everything that they might have missed out about the career he has. Everyone is in a good mood and the vibe builded finely to just sharing about each other’s life updates. Though finally there’s one moment when Billkin finally tells his friends everything in mind. Sooner or later, they’ll see this side of him though. No need to just act tough when he knows and they know how it will end.


┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈




Billkin wakes up late at 12 pm because he just slept late last night. He went out with Jaylerr and Thanaerng up till midnight. That’s what happens when he’s with his close friends. Many things to share and to catch up among them.


Billkin decides that day to be just his lazy day. He’ll be home for the whole day and just enjoy watching his favorite series on the streaming site. 


Someone knocks and calls his name. “P’, are you up??? Mama asks me to remind you to get lunch!”


“Yeah, wait! I’m up! I’ll take a shower first!”, Billkin yells at his brother.


“Okay!”. Billkin then goes to the bathroom to prepare himself and start the day.


After he finishes everything, he goes down to the dining room. There’s only his brother in sight. “Where’s Mama? Papa?”, Billkin asks. 


“They’re going to Auntie’s house”


“Oh. Okay”


“P’, are you alright?”


“Hm? Why wouldn’t I?”


“P’, come on” Billkin’s brother looks at him with a concerned look.


Billkin pours his favorite milk into the glass he’s holding. Then he sits on the chair while preparing his meal for lunch. After everything settles in front of him, he finally breaks the silence and replies to his brother, “I’m here, I still can eat. Thank you for asking. So far so good, though”.


“You know that I’m here for you, right?”


“I know, bud. No worries”, Billkin ******iles lovingly at his brother. He knows his family love him and they’ll be by his side in every chance possible. 


“Okay, okay. Anyway, are you going somewhere today?”


Billkin takes a moment since he still has food inside his mouth before he replies, “Nope. I’m staying at home all day. Why??”.


“Cool. Let’s binge watching horror movies? And! This one series you should watch! I know your busy ass haven’t watched this. I’ll accompany you!”, Billkin’s brother says excitedly.


Billkin chuckles hearing how his brother wants to watch horror movies because he knows his brother is too timid to watch it by himself. So Billkin just nods and agrees to what his brother said. 


“Nice! I’ll prepare the snacks! Should we order out some snacks too though? Or something delicious for dinner later??”


Being a busy person really makes Billkin barely have time with his family.  And today is one of those rare days for quality time with his family, which is why he’ll try to enjoy today as much as he can with his brother. “We’ll see bout that later. Now, just make some popcorn! I saw some zero cokes yesterday in the refrigerator. Get me one, please!”


“Okay. Go finish your lunch asap! I’ll wait in the mini theater!”, Billkin’s brother says and starts to walk away to prepare everything they’ve agreed on.


┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈




Today is the day Billkin will finally meet PP again after so long. He wakes up at 6 am, earlier than usual. He has many things in mind. This day might be important because he will finally see PP, but suddenly he feels anxious and starts questioning his readiness to meet PP. He still has 10 hours to rethink everything and he still decides what matters the most for the day is he will finally see his beloved one. 


Since Billkin wakes up early, he goes downstairs to watch the morning shows on the TV. He’s eating the snacks he and his brother bought yesterday while keeping changing the channel to look for the show he wants to watch. 


It’s 10 am when Billkin falls off the chair he fell asleep on. It shocks him, so he is fully awake from the sleepiness now. “Good morning, Kin!”, Billkin’s mother greets him. 


“Hey, Ma! Good morning to you too!”.


“So, today, huh?”.


“Yeah. Today”, Billkin nods. He touches his neck because the nervousness starts to kick in. 


“Kin, you don’t have to go if you aren’t ready, you know?”, Billkin’s mother walks closer then strokes her son’s hair. “Mama hates to see you feel sad, Kin”.


Billkin takes his mother’s hand and holds it tight. “I know, Ma. But, I haven’t seen him for so long. I have been busy with my jobs for the last 6 months. And even before that, I barely met him after that day”. Then Billkin continues, “Besides, we were friends before everything”. Both of them just let the silence take in while keeping squeezing each other’s hand. 


“Mama and Papa will always be here for you, Kin”, Billkin’s mother finally says.


“I know. You know what, Ma, it’s funny because I’ve been hearing the same thing these past 4 days from everyone. Not that I’m complaining though. I feel loved and thankful for that. So, yeah, thank you, Ma”, Billkin hugs his mother. 


“Of course, son. I believe you’re a good person. Many people love you. You won’t be alone. Please tell us about anything, in case you have too much in mind. I’m here for you, always”, Billkin’s mother hugs him back tighter.


Billkin lets go of his hug. He looks at his mother, “Yeah, I know. I love you so much, Ma”. Billkin’s mother pinches his cheeks, “I love you more, son! Now, get up and go get brunch or something!”.


“Yes, Ma’am!”, Billkin salutes at his mother and walks to the refrigerator to find something to drink.


(02:00 pm)


It’s all set. Billkin is ready with a bouquet of flowers and the bangle he bought. The day he will see PP again is about to happen.


(03:30 pm)


Billkin holds on to the gifts he has prepared. He knocks on the door in front him before he walks in after someone tells him to come in. 


The room is filled with many white flowers. It ******ells so nice inside. Standing in front of him is the man he has been thinking about, especially the last 4 days.


“Hello, you. I thought you wouldn’t come”, PP says quietly that almost sounds like a whisper.


Billkin walks closer to PP and hands him the gifts he has been holding, “I know right? What can I do when I miss you. I have been busy these past six months, we never had a chance to see each other”.


PP ******iles sadly. He looks extremely handsome in that light brown suit. Though he stands in the middle of the room with beautiful flowers, he still stands out the most. “Kin, I’m sorry”, PP says softly. The sadness in his voice is showing.


“For what?”, Billkin asks. 


“For us. I’m sorry I didn’t fight for us enough”, PP’s voice is cracking. Billkin knows the man in front of him is about to cry any minute now.


“No! It was my fault, Pi. I was the one who wasn’t brave enough to tell the world how important you were, you are, for me and I already got you as my person. I lied to you once. But, guess that one time really hurt you a lot. So I understand”, Billkin strokes PP’s hair slowly.


Not long after, Billkin hears a sniffing. PP’s head down while his hands squeezing each other hard. Billkin helps PP to sit down and he takes a seat beside him.


“Hey. Look at me”, Billkin tries to talk to PP. Tears are falling down PP’s cheeks. “Today is an important day for you. Stop the tears, hm? I’m okay, Pi. I love you, so please don’t cry because it hurts me to see you cry. Besides, it’ll make your make-up awful for an important day like this. I’m here, okay?”, Billkin squeezes PP’s hand. Just a simple gesture to show he meant what he said and gives courage to his beloved one.


For a moment PP cries even harder. Billkin lets him while he’s still holding on his hand and strokes it at times as assurance he’s there with him. 


After a while, PP finally can hold his tears. He finally speaks, “I don’t know anymore what to say besides I’m sorry, for us. And thank you, with you being here by my side, I know it takes everything on you. I feel so selfish and bad because I can’t do much about whatever you might feel right now, Kin”, PP starts sniffing again.


“Hey hey. No more tears, please? What’s done is done. Whatever I feel, that’s on me, Pi. You don’t have to think much about it. That’s not your responsibility! I’ve come to the point where seeing you happy for whatever reason is truly something that matters the most. Even if it’s also about you being happy with someone else. I love you too much to even expect less for your happiness, Pi”, Billkin slowly wipes the drying tears on PP’s cheek. 


“Thank you so much, Kin. Thank you. I loved you, you know? Even I still do. It’s just that, I’m sorry our loves didn’t work like how we expected. Instead of you and me for today’s event, it’s me and someone else”, PP sighs deeply.


“I know. And that’s okay, Pi. Just be happy, okay? I’ll be fine. Live your life happily and I’ll be happy too!”, Billkin tries to sound excited to lift up the mood.


“But—”, before PP finishes whatever he was about to say, Billkin cuts him. “Okay. Enough bout being emo, hm? It’s your special day! Let’s just talk about the bangle I promised you before? Now I finally bought you that. Sorry for the delay though. Last year I missed the chance”, Billkin grins.


“Ah. Shut up! It’s fine! Thank you for these bouquet and bangle, Kin. I’ll treasure them”, PP is finally ******iling. After a little bit can get what’s his surrounding, PP realizes Billkin’s hair is kinda new to him. “Uhm, your hair?”, PP talks with a curious tone.


“I know.  Your favorite. You said one time that red hair would make you feel like you could conquer the world, that’s what I want to do at the moment”, Billkin ******iles. PP looks at him intensively before he sighs and tries to look away from Billkin. Instead of seeing the man beside him, he tries to look at the ceiling. Billkin feels bad because he knows PP is about to cry again. 


Before PP lets another tear fall down, Billkin says, “Hush. Now enough bout me! Let’s talk about something else! Anyway, may I know a bit more about your man? We haven’t met officially. I just saw him a few times since he also came to our friends’ events at times”, Billkin asks about the lucky man that will be his beloved one’s groom today.


PP takes a deep breath before he starts telling Billkin the man he’s getting married with, “Well, as you already know I’m marrying a man named Tay Tawan. A business man. I knew him because he’s one of my father’s loyal clients. So yeah. Long story short, after we broke up in January, I met him in April, at my birthday party. Then three months after, he asked me to be his boyfriend. After that, last new year’s eve he proposed to me”.


“Wow. That was”, Billkin’s mind still trying to process everything before he continues, “fast, huh? Guess he really is the one then”. Billkin tries to genuinely ******ile. Although himself, and even PP, know, he fails. No matter what, he can’t hide the sadness behind his ******ile. No one dares to speak up about that though. Instead, both of them just squeeze each other’s hand to somehow give the strength they need for whatever reasons. 


Not getting any reply from PP, Billkin continues to say, “At least I know he might be a good guy then. You’re happy, right?”.


“As of now? Yes, I am. He is a good guy, Kin. He’s funny like you too. He treats me well. Well enough to make me agree to his proposal despite the short times we’ve been seeing each other”, PP tries to look calm and ******ile genuinely. Though there’s also still sadness behind it. After all, Billkin and PP were dating for 7 years in 10 years they know each other since they were 20 years old.


“Ah. Good to know you’re really in a good hand. I’m happy for you, Pi. I truly am”, Billkin sincerely happy about what he just heard. He’s way too deep in love with the man in front of him to feel unhappy when it’s clear as day that PP is happy with the one he’s marrying now.


“I know”


“Anyway, light brown, huh?”, Billkin eyeing the suit PP’s wearing. “I thought you would like something red since that was what you said back then. Quoting from you, “I want a dramatic wedding so I’d like to wear bloody red later!””, Billkin chuckles.


PP jokingly pushes Billkin then he says, “Shut up!! I was young and naive and irrational! Of course I don’t want to make this day weird by making an extreme decision that could lead to people non-stop talking behind my back!”, PP shakes his head.


“Hahaha! I know I know. I’m kidding. Good for you then to finally make up a better decision with this. You look good!”, Billkin ******iles. He might not say it, but his gaze radiates how much he admires the man in front of him. 


“Thank you”, PP says shyly. He can feel his cheeks getting red at the moment. Then suddenly someone knocks on the door. “Come in!”, PP looks at the door and tells the person. 


“Hey. Uh, 10 more minutes before it starts. Hello, Kin! We meet again, huh?”, turns out the person is Thanaerng, their mutual friend, who is also one of the closest friends PP has.


PP turns his head to Billkin again after what he just heard, “Again?”, PP asks. Billkin just shrugs. After that, PP tells Thanaerng he’ll come right away in 5 minutes. He needs a bit to retouch his make-up and make sure he looks proper for his wedding after the mess he got into since tears were falling down his cheeks.


Billkin helps him a bit to make sure he looks okay. “Now, you’re good. I think I might go out first? I guess your father is waiting for you outside. I’ll see you later! Good luck, Pi!”, Billkin says and squeezes PP’s hand once more.


“Thank you so much, Kin! See you!”. Then Billkin leaves the room first before PP follows and he walks straight to his father. He’s getting married for real.


[at the altar]



“I, Krit Amnuaydechkorn, take you, Tawan Vihokratana, as my long term friend, my dearest one, my morning, my night, my home, my love, my hu******and, to whom I’ll relay on, also the one I’ll cherish with my dear life. I hate promises, I know you know, I can’t exactly give you a forever, but I’ll try my best to give you of me now, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, then next day, next day, next day, up till I can’t remember how to love anymore. I’m sorry for my worst side, I thank you for bringing up my best side. I love you”, PP finishes his vow. 


The minister then says, “I pronounce you as hu******ands. Now you may kiss”. Tay closed the gap between him and PP right after. He put his hand on PP’s nape to bring him closer and kiss him gently. The crowd cheered loudly at that. 


Someone in the crowd is ******iling. But, unconsciously, tears streaming down his face. In an emotional event like this, he isn’t the only one who has tears in his eyes. But, definitely not everyone feels what he feels at the moment. His world is crumbling. But he chooses to stay still, clapping his hands as an agreement to the couple who have recently become hu******ands officially, although he actually wishes the earth would just swallow him at that moment. Letting the one you love to be happy although not with you is peak an unconditional love behavior he can think of. He promised himself to always cheer for PP’s happiness. Right from the start, that’s what he has always been doing and it will still be like that as long as he can. 🎕



Thank you for reading! Please if it’s not much, leave a trace after you read this >~<
I’m very open to constructive critici******! I just recently published my works, so I believe I have tons of things to learn.

Anyway, you can check out a bit bonus of this fanfic on my twitter: @catharsiscorner


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