Unsaid Things: things i’ll never say

“You’re selfish. So f*cking selfish.
I hope you suffer. Double, triple, thousand times more than you did to me.
I hate you. I hate how stupid I was for let you in. I hate all these feelings I let grow inside, all these sensations that I tried so desperately to keep. 

I’m so dumb.
How could I expect something from you? Since ever, all you’ve ever did was hurt me with your selfishness, your egocentri******, so how dumb of me expect you’d be different this time. All the time, all you ever did was to think about yourself. Your wishes, aspirations, your desires.
Have you ever considered me?
Have you ever thought about my feelings?
While I was here, ready to give you my all, where were you? What were you expecting?

I was wrong the whole time. I was the one who should’ve thought more about myself. I should’ve never let you in. This stupid heart of mine shouldn’t be exicted about your eyes, your touch or your ******ile. I should’ve kept distance, blocked you out of my mind, out of my heart. Now here I am, wondering what I could’ve done for you to choose me. Did I do something wrong? Why can’t be me? 

I know life is hard and the world isn’t fair, nothing and no one will support us. I know. But even with all the cons, why? Am I not enough to fight for? Why you take these dumb attitudes making me think that I’m not worthy?
I hate that. I hate you. I hate to love you.
Now, more than any other moment in life, I wish I could turn back time and never ever be close to you again. I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve this pain or to think that I’m not good enough. I know that maybe my choices aren’t the best, but I know who I am. I’m proud of who I am and I was ready to fight for it. Ready to fight for us.

You threw it away. You threw me away.
Maybe I can’t go back in time, but for now, I decide to give up.
I can’t hold onto something that is hurting me this much.
I chose myself. As you were incapable to.”